Ok, it may come as a surprise to learn that I am not a fighter. Indeed, whenever my combative expertise come under scrutiny (usually during some testosterone fueled chat down the pub) I tend to rely on the well-known phrase “I am a lover, not a fighter”. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that the only way I am ever going to win a fight is if the other guy literally drowns in my own blood! What a nice way to start a blog….. Luckily for myself (and my face) I have been able to avoid physical confrontation through a winning combination of humor and running really really fast! There are, however, occasions when it is unavoidable.
Anyway, trying to keep relevant and all that (with the biggest fight of the year taking place in the next few days) I have scoured the internet, researching the best tips and techniques to help you win a good ol’fashioned punch up if trouble finds you.
1. Code Red
When it becomes apparent that someone is threatening you, snap to attention. Like when a ship is under attack, you want to be firing on all cylinders. It is also extremely important to be aware of your environment and look out for objects that you can use for weapons (or that may be used against you). Assess the situation and always search out a possible escape route.
2. Try to defuse the situation.
Fights rarely happen out of the blue. Usually, you have managed to piss off the guy somehow or another… either way you want to try everything possible to calm him down, even if you have no idea what you did wrong. Don’t let your ego get in the way, your first goal should be to avoid fighting. However, make sure you keep a confident body language and don’t show the guy you’re afraid (even if you do need a new pair of underpants).
3. Walk away.
Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you say to the drunken moron, they will still want to “teach you a lesson” (presumably not English Literature). But, you still have one last option available… walk away. Start to leave the scene but maintain alertness and walk away backwards maintaining sight on your opponent. If he’s a no-good, yellow-belly rat, he’ll try to attack you from behind.
4. Stand Strong.
So if tips 1-3 fail, you are now facing no choice but to prepare yourself for a fight. Assume a fighting stance, spread your feet to about shoulder width-apart and slightly bend your knees. The goal is to maintain balance so you don’t end up on the ground. Keep your hands up to protect your face and clench your teeth. A solid punch to an open mouth can lead to a broken jaw.
5. Defend yourself at all costs.
The goal is to defend yourself from violent and unjustified aggression, so don’t be afraid to fight dirty. Some effective fighting moves are:
Knee to the groin. No explanation needed as to why this is effective.
Low kicks to the knee, groin, or abdomen. Kick like you’re kicking down a door, using the bottom of your foot. A solid kick to one of these areas can incapacitate your attacker long enough for you to get away.
Headbutt to the face. Your forehead is one of the hardest bones on your body. Use this to your advantage by headbutting your opponent hard across his nose. If done correctly, you can do some serious damage.
Throw a punch. If done correctly, an overhand punch can put your attacker out of commission.
6. Take punches effectively.
Ideally, you will want to avoid getting hit altogether. But if you do have to take a punch, try to absorb it in a way that minimises impact and damage.
A punch to the head. Move towards the punch, tighten your neck muscles and clench your jaw. By moving into the punch, your attacker may miss the mark wide to either side. Absorb the punch with your forehead (remember how hard it is?). If your attacker hits you there, his hand will be hurting, and you’ll have minimised the damage to yourself.
A punch to the body. Tighten your stomach muscles, but don’t suck in your stomach. Try to shift so the punch lands on your obliques rather than directly in the stomach or vital organs.
Well not quite roar but some sort of battle cry. There are two reasons for making as much noise as possible. Firstly it may distract and intimidate your attacker leaving you a better chance to run away or get a jab or two in. And secondly, it draws attention. The more people who gather around you the higher the chance of someone jumping in to defuse the situation. Witnesses will also reduce the chance of the fight getting really ugly.